So Sunday night we did the usual dinner/Sopranos/Big Love at Mo's. Besides Lucky turning into Cujo, the night was a good time. Anyways, everyone seemed ready to celebrate Mother's Day with some heavy beer & scotch consumption. Due to several factors, mostly that I had a meeting at 8:30 I needed to be coherent for, I decided to head home.
Upon arrival a mi casa, I head up the back steps as usual (I never use the side door/front stairs mostly out of habit). As the 2nd floor neighbors tend to leave garbage outside, I usually keep an eye out for critters at night. Lazy fucks, walk down a flight and throw it away. What the hell is wrong with you?!?!
Just as I'm a couple steps away from the my 3rd floor apt I see a neighborhood raccoon (let's name him Reginald) chilling on my porch. He starts heading towards me with a slight hissing sound. My instincts take me down a flight of stairs to either think up an attack plan or consider sleeping in my car. As I'm taking off my belt to use as a weapon/offer as a distraction while I run to my car, Reginald looks a little scared and decides to head towards the other end of the porch. He gets up on the railing and contemplates jumping. Don't do it Reginald! Life is too precious! I don't care if you have rabies, we can work this out!
Well, Reginald didn't jump. In fact, he climbed straight down one of the beams. I didn't know raccoons could climb at 90 degree angles. Clever Reginald, clever. Obviously I now run to my door. If he can climb like that, he could be anywhere. I get inside and lock the door. Clearly locking the door was in order, Reginald is clever as noted above.
What a night. Both of us remained unscathed and got to return to our homes. I consider that a draw. Until round 2...
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